The Lie We’ve Been Sold: Why I Hate the Word “Toned”

Feb 27, 2025

What’s the first thing that pops into your head when I say “a toned physique”?

According to Google Images, it’s a thin woman with lots of muscle definition, very low body fat, and—for some reason—big boobs. Go ahead, see for yourself. You’d probably also describe these bodies as “long and lean”—the preferred aesthetic of fitness influencers and the inevitable “after” photo in a transformation post selling some miracle program or supplement that promises to deliver the same results to anyone who will just “click on the link below”.

You could call these women muscular, but the companies and influencers parading their bodies in front of you would never use that word. Because, my god, what kind of woman would want to be muscular? That would imply you might actually have to add mass to your body, and what self-respecting woman would ever intentionally get larger?

(If you can’t feel the sarcasm dripping from that paragraph, we need to get to know each other better. But I digress.)

“I Want to Be Toned, Not Bulky”

When I used to coach CrossFit, I lost count of the number of times a woman would approach me and say:

"I want to get stronger, but I don’t want to get too bulky. I just want to be toned."

Because yes, a lot of the best female CrossFit athletes out there have larger, more muscular bodies. And sure, I could have responded with:

"Oh, do you plan on training so hard that you become one of the best in the sport? No? Okay cool, then you probably don’t have to worry too much about having the body of an elite athlete."

Of course, I never said that. (Okay, maybe I said it once or twice.) But most of the time, I’d take a deep breath, suppress a slow, exasperated sigh, and fight the urge to roll my eyes all the way to the back of my head.

It wasn’t the women I was frustrated with—it was (and still is) the culture we’re all just trying to exist in that is constantly telling women that smaller is better.

And 'toned' is one of our biggest enemies in that fight. Keeping that word in your vocabulary is limiting your potential and interfering with your ability to accept your body—or anyone else’s—in different shapes and sizes.

The Castle of “Toned”

You may think chasing “toned” will keep you safe from bulking up (sigh/eyeroll), but in reality?

It’s keeping you locked up like a princess in a tower—beautiful by society’s standards but small, powerless, and dependent on others in real life.

When I hear the word toned, I hear skinny muscle. Scientifically, it’s meaningless—just a marketing trick to make strength training sound more palatable. It’s a way to sell women on the idea that they can build just enough muscle to look fit—without crossing some imaginary line into the dreaded “bulky” territory.

It’s the idea that strength is fine—but only in the right amount. That muscle is okay—as long as it doesn’t make you take up more space.

It reinforces the idea that women’s strength should be aesthetic first, functional second.

No. F#k That.

If you’re still thinking, “Okay Sarah, I see what you’re saying, but I still just really don’t want to get bulky.”

I get it. I’m not here to hijack your body goals. But let me put it this way:

Your fear of getting bulky is keeping you from getting toned.

You’re so afraid of getting bigger that you’re resisting the exact work that will give you the look you’re after.

I won’t say the T-word again, but I think we can all agree that this aesthetic requires two things: building muscle and losing body fat. Right?

Great. So what’s the absolute best thing a person (male or female) can do to build muscle? Lifting progressively heavier weights consistently over time.

If you think tiny dumbbells and plank holds are going to give you the body you’re looking for, you are sorely mistaken.

What Actually Works

Building muscle and losing fat (the aesthetic formerly known as toned) requires:
✔ More time lifting heavy in a slow, focused, progressively overloaded routine
✔ Less time in group fitness classes that have you bopping and pulsing

Those classes are fun. They serve a purpose. But that purpose is NOT muscle building.

If you want real body transformation, you need:

A real gym with real weights
Progressive overload
Compound, multi-joint movements
Adequate rest and recovery
Fewer reps, heavier loads

Most of all?

You need to embrace your inner gym rat and tell the cardio bunny to sit this one out.

What Frustrates Me the Most

For decades, I’ve been advocating for women to get in the gym and put gender stereotypes aside. To develop grit. To get stronger for the sake of building our bodies, our confidence, and our power.

Because there is no better feeling than walking into a space unsure of what you’re capable of—and walking out proud of what you overcame.

Excited to find out what else you can do.

To me, that is beautiful.

But too many women miss out on that life-changing experience because they’ve been incorrectly convinced that strength training builds the wrong kind of muscle.

And that’s what gets me.

The Takeaway

If there’s one thing I want you to remember, it’s this:

Chasing “toned” is keeping you small—in every way that matters.

The fear of getting “too big” isn’t just stopping you from building muscle. It’s stopping you from realizing what you’re truly capable of. It’s keeping you from that moment when you step under a barbell, or lift something heavier than you ever thought possible, and feel a spark of power that has nothing to do with how you look—and everything to do with what you can do.

Strength isn’t about fitting into some manufactured ideal.

It’s about showing up, doing the work, and proving to yourself that you’re capable of more than you ever imagined. It’s about walking into the gym unsure of what you can handle—and walking out stronger.

In body. In mind. In confidence.

And that’s not something you’ll ever find by staying small.

So drop the pink dumbbells.
Ditch the fear of “too much.”
And for the love of all things heavy—go pick up some real weights.

Wanna shout it from the rooftops with me… or tell me I’ve got it all wrong? Leave a comment and let’s dig in!

Episode 23: Nobody likes a February body and is Pilates strength training?

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